by grace
Active member
- Joined
- May 18, 2026
- Messages
- 82
- Reaction score
- 139
- Points
- 33
- Gender
- Male
- Country
- United States
One day in early Spring of 2026, the Lord spoke to Noah (now living in the U.S.) and said:
"Noah, the world has once again become corrupt and overpopulated. The end is near. Build another Ark and save two of every living creature, along with a few good people. You have six months before I unleash 40 days and 40 nights of rain!"
Six months later, the Lord looked down... and there was Noah, sitting in his backyard, weeping beneath a half-built wooden frame.
"Noah!" thundered the Lord. "Where’s the Ark? The rain’s about to start!"
Noah wiped his eyes and said,
"Lord, times have changed."
"First, I needed a city building permit. Then the city said my Ark violated zoning codes so I had to go before the zoning board. My neighbors sued me for blocking their view of a lake, and the zoning board still hasn’t approved my variance request."
"The Department of Transportation demanded a bond to move power lines for the Ark’s trip to the sea — I tried to explain to them the sea would come to us, but they wouldn’t buy it."
"I had to get an account with the lumberyard. Apparently you can’t chop down trees anymore — endangered owls apparently live in them. I tried explaining that the Ark would save the owls too, and without the Ark they were in more danger but that just got me on a watchlist and now apparently I am not longer allowed to fly.”
"Then when I started gathering animals, animal rights groups accused me of unlawful captivity. Now apparently I need 2,745 licenses just to house them!"
"The EPA banned the waterproof pitch I’m supposed to use — because they say it’s 'toxic.' OSHA shut down my scaffolding saying it was to dangerous. The labor unions say I can’t use my sons — they’re not certified Ark-builders and the Human Rights Commission opened an investigation into my hiring practices saying I was discriminating."
"Immigration showed up, asking if my crew had work permits. And to top it off, the IRS froze my accounts, claiming I’m trafficking endangered species!"
Noah hung his head.
"Lord, it’s going to take at least a hundred years to finish the Ark."
Suddenly, the clouds parted, the sun blazed, and a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully.
"Lord, does this mean you’re not going to destroy the world?"
And the Lord replied:
"No need, Noah... the government already did.
"Noah, the world has once again become corrupt and overpopulated. The end is near. Build another Ark and save two of every living creature, along with a few good people. You have six months before I unleash 40 days and 40 nights of rain!"
Six months later, the Lord looked down... and there was Noah, sitting in his backyard, weeping beneath a half-built wooden frame.
"Noah!" thundered the Lord. "Where’s the Ark? The rain’s about to start!"
Noah wiped his eyes and said,
"Lord, times have changed."
"First, I needed a city building permit. Then the city said my Ark violated zoning codes so I had to go before the zoning board. My neighbors sued me for blocking their view of a lake, and the zoning board still hasn’t approved my variance request."
"The Department of Transportation demanded a bond to move power lines for the Ark’s trip to the sea — I tried to explain to them the sea would come to us, but they wouldn’t buy it."
"I had to get an account with the lumberyard. Apparently you can’t chop down trees anymore — endangered owls apparently live in them. I tried explaining that the Ark would save the owls too, and without the Ark they were in more danger but that just got me on a watchlist and now apparently I am not longer allowed to fly.”
"Then when I started gathering animals, animal rights groups accused me of unlawful captivity. Now apparently I need 2,745 licenses just to house them!"
"The EPA banned the waterproof pitch I’m supposed to use — because they say it’s 'toxic.' OSHA shut down my scaffolding saying it was to dangerous. The labor unions say I can’t use my sons — they’re not certified Ark-builders and the Human Rights Commission opened an investigation into my hiring practices saying I was discriminating."
"Immigration showed up, asking if my crew had work permits. And to top it off, the IRS froze my accounts, claiming I’m trafficking endangered species!"
Noah hung his head.
"Lord, it’s going to take at least a hundred years to finish the Ark."
Suddenly, the clouds parted, the sun blazed, and a beautiful rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully.
"Lord, does this mean you’re not going to destroy the world?"
And the Lord replied:
"No need, Noah... the government already did.