What does Scripture teach about Expectations, Manipulation and Theft ...

[Yesua888]

How do you know when you are dealing with any of these?

Scripture identifies the behavior you describe—high expectations, demanding one's own way, manipulation, projection, and even theft—as rooted in pride, selfish ambition, and a rejection of God’s sovereignty. These actions violate biblical principles of humility, love, honesty, and integrity.

• Selfishness and Pride: The desire to have one’s own way stems from selfish ambition and pride, which Scripture explicitly condemns. James 3:16 states, “Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil practice.” This attitude leads to conflict and moral decay, as seen in the story of Jacob and Laban (Genesis 29–31), where manipulation and deceit caused long-term family strife.
• Manipulation and Deceit: Scripture warns against manipulation, which often involves lies, guilt-tripping, or emotional coercion. Proverbs 12:22 declares, “Lying lips are detestable to the LORD,” and Ephesians 4:25 commands believers to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully.” The serpent’s manipulation of Eve in Genesis 3—using half-truths and appealing to pride—is the foundational example of deceit for personal gain.
• Projection and Blame-Shifting: Projecting fault onto others is a sign of spiritual deception. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked,” explaining why manipulators often believe their own lies and blame others. This self-deception prevents genuine repentance.
• Theft and Exploitation: Taking what is not yours, whether through manipulation or outright theft, is a serious sin. Exodus 20:15 commands, “You shall not steal,” and James 5:1–6 warns the rich who exploit workers: “You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.” Exploiting others’ vulnerability is condemned as injustice before God. Ephesians 4:28 instructs, “Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.”
• Biblical Response: Scripture calls believers to trust God, not control outcomes. Proverbs 3:5–6 urges, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart... in all your ways submit to Him.” Instead of manipulating, Christians are to walk in humility (Philippians 2:3–4), speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), and love others as themselves (Luke 6:31). God honors those who wait on Him, not those who force their will.

Ultimately, Scripture shows that those who insist on their own way and manipulate others will face consequences—both in broken relationships and divine judgment. True freedom comes not from control, but from surrendering to God’s will.

Sharing life experiences could shed more light on the above, and why this post has been shared, hopefully bringing Scripture alive ...

Eg. an adult child still manipulates you, when you are not willing to share certain things ... you feel put on the spot, then you feel guilty, because of being shamed ...

How do we deal with everyday issues such as this?

 

[David]

Yeah, that happens to people every day of their lives. Folks try to guilt us, or bully us, or emotionally manipulate us into doing what they want. Scripture never tells us to give up to that kind of treatment.

First off, love doesn’t equal giving someone else control of your life. Jesus loved people, but never allowed people to run over Him. John 2: 24 says, “But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men.” He understood their heart.

People try to guilt you into doing what they want. They shame you. Push you around. Try to make you feel like you’re responsible for their emotions. But that’s not God speaking. “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe” ~Proverbs 29:25. When you try to live life so that people will be pleased with you, you’ve wandered into a trap.

God’s word tells us to live by truth, not manipulation. Ephesians 4: 25 says, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour.” Verse 15 tells us to speak “the truth in love.” Love doesn’t mean you run over yourself to please someone else. Sometimes the most loving thing you can say is no.

Even Paul made it clear that we cannot please people and be a follower of Christ. He wrote, “For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ” ~Galatians 1:10.

So when someone tries to shame you or emotionally manipulate you, remember God’s instruction is simple and direct. Be Truthful. Don’t play the guilt game. Walk in love, but stand firm in what is right.

You can’t be run over if your heart is anchored in the Lord. People’s pressure can’t manipulate you when you’ve got God.

 

[bobinfaith]

Good morning, Linda;

Thank you for sharing What does Scripture teach about Expectations, Manipulation and Theft ...
Selfishness and pride broke Judas Iscariot. Manipulation and deceit broke Jacob and Laban. Projection and blame-shifting broke Peter the Apostle. Theft and exploitation broke Jezebel. Biblical response (God) broke Jonah.

Nobody is exempt from these behaviors you describe. It takes away the Lord's glory. When we ignore the Scriptures for each setback it can fester to other sins.

You provide Scriptures for each category which is excellent, Linda.

It shows us that God sees our wayward ways. When we submit to His Word, yes, He will discipline us with lessons and consequences of our actions but He always makes a way for us to come back to Him.

Just a short testimony. In the last category, during my early walk we were at a Bible study. Every good word that our pastor taught I broke down and rebuked him sharply. I was hit with another frustrating circumstance in life and tried to control the situation with my anger.

I brought shame to my wife and the whole Bible study group. What they did next shocked me. They all gathered around me and began to pray. I was brought to a low point that I begin to weep. The group forgave me but it took time (consequences) for healing and weeks to learn the lesson of my behavior.

The Lord humbled me and what made me feel like a knucklehead later, was my frustrating life circumstance got resolved.

You wrote, Scripture identifies the behavior you describe—high expectations, demanding one's own way, manipulation, projection, and even theft—as rooted in pride, selfish ambition, and a rejection of God’s sovereignty.

These actions violate biblical principles of humility, love, honesty, and integrity which is so true. It can blind us from knowing that God always makes a way for us to come back to Him.

God bless you, Linda, and your entire family.

Bob

 

[Yesua888]

First off, love doesn’t equal giving someone else control of your life. Jesus loved people, but never allowed people to run over Him. John 2: 24 says, “But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men.” He understood their heart.

People try to guilt you into doing what they want. They shame you. Push you around. Try to make you feel like you’re responsible for their emotions. But that’s not God speaking. “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe” ~Proverbs 29:25. When you try to live life so that people will be pleased with you, you’ve wandered into a trap.

God’s word tells us to live by truth, not manipulation. Ephesians 4: 25 says, “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour.” Verse 15 tells us to speak “the truth in love.” Love doesn’t mean you run over yourself to please someone else. Sometimes the most loving thing you can say is no.

Thank You David, these verses really speak to me : )

 

[Yesua888]

AND Herein Lies the Turmoil in my Head:

Luke 6:29–30 instructs believers not to demand back what is taken, emphasizing generosity and non-retaliation: "Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what is yours, do not demand it back." This teaching calls for releasing the item and the grudge, trusting God’s justice and provision rather than seeking personal retribution.

Matthew 5:39–42 expands on this principle, encouraging a response of humility and grace—turning the other cheek, giving more than demanded, and going the extra mile—reflecting the kingdom values of love and forgiveness over legalistic retaliation. This has been playing on my minnd!

Romans 12:19 reminds believers to leave vengeance to God: "Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." This supports letting go of the need for personal justice.

(Romans 13:1–5), the spiritual response prioritizes forgiveness, trust in God’s provision, and non-retaliation. If the person is a believer, private confrontation (Matthew 18:15–17) may be appropriate to restore relationship.

This is always awkward, because this is where I feel shame for even being upset, about the constant without asking.

Ultimately, Scripture teaches that our identity and security are not in possessions, but in Christ (2 Timothy 1:12). Even when things are taken, what remains—faith, grace, and God’s presence—cannot be stolen.

What if it is your adult child (46 yrs), living with you (rent and utilities free), and you feel that it is your "duty" not to entertain the entitlement mentality?

My daughter does believe in God, but also believes that "Jesus was a prophet".

Eg. I am a pensioner (so it my hubby), and we are frugal with most things, and it could be a generational thing too. I find myself resenting that so much is taken for granted, and "things" are taken without asking (with expectation and entitlement?). I am then shamed for even bringing anything up.

There is a history of this taking stealthfully ... when we visited my hubby's parents years ago, the memories come up of her "taking" (they were battling pensioners), and are triggers.

I would rather go without instead of taking anyone's things. I find it pretty inconvenient, when I am counting on having something later (perhaps the next day), then find that it is no longer there. We live far from shops, on a rural property.

I know that they are just "things", yet is it not the "principal" here too?
As a mum, am is it not my duty to teach her?

The other side of this is that I have always believed that I have been and still am an "enabler", and now trying to break the pattern.

It could be that I need to learn some lessons from this too?

I have prayed for help on this issue, and now I share this with you : )

 

[David]

I know that they are just "things", yet is it not the "principal" here too?
As a mum, am is it not my duty to teach her?

The tension you feel is real, but Scripture speaks to it more clearly than it seems at first. Jesus did say, “Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also… Give to him that asketh thee” ~Matthew 5:39-42. The point Jesus was making is about the heart. He is dealing with retaliation and revenge. In that culture people wanted payback. If someone wronged you, you were expected to strike back. Jesus says the citizen of God’s kingdom does not live that way. You refuse revenge.

But refusing revenge does not mean allowing disorder in your home. Notice something important. Jesus said, “Give to him that asketh thee.” The passage assumes honesty and respect. It is not describing a situation where someone continually takes without asking and then shames you when you speak up. Scripture never calls that righteousness.

God is a God of order, even inside the home. “If any provide not for his own… he hath denied the faith” ~1 Timothy 5:8. That means the resources in a household matter. Stewardship matters. When God entrusts something to you, you are responsible for how it is used.

So the issue here is not just the item that disappears from the pantry or the cupboard. The real issue is honor. The command still stands: “Honour thy father and thy mother” ~Exodus 20:12. An adult child living in the home rent free and utility free should walk in gratitude and respect. Taking things without asking and assuming entitlement is not honor. And love does not ignore that. Scripture says, “Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth” ~1 Corinthians 13:6.

Now here is where the balance of the kingdom comes in. You do not retaliate. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves… Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” ~Romans 12:19.

But the same Bible that tells you not to take revenge also tells you to address wrong behavior. Jesus said, “If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone” ~Matthew 18:15. That is not anger. That is restoration.

So you can speak the truth calmly. You can say that in this house we ask before we take. You can explain that resources matter, especially when living on a pension. You can do that without bitterness and without shame.

And let me say something that may lift some of the weight off your shoulders. Feeling troubled about this does not mean you are failing spiritually. The Spirit often uses that discomfort to tell us something needs to be addressed before bitterness takes root. Scripture warns us about that: “Looking diligently lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you” ~Hebrews 12:15.


So here is the kingdom perspective.

You guard your heart from revenge.
You forgive quickly.
But you still walk in truth.

Grace does not mean pretending something is right when it is not. Grace and truth walk together. Jesus Himself came “full of grace and truth” ~John 1:14.

Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is break a pattern of enabling and replace it with truth spoken calmly and clearly. And remember this. Even if she says Jesus was only a prophet, the truth about Him has not changed. Scripture says, “In him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily” ~Colossians 2:9. The greatest need in her life is still the same as everyone else’s. She must come to know Christ for who He truly is.

So you can pray, speak truth, set boundaries in love, and keep your heart free from resentment. That is not contradiction. That is walking in the balance of the kingdom.

 

[Yesua888]

The tension you feel is real, but Scripture speaks to it more clearly than it seems at first. Jesus did say, “Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also… Give to him that asketh thee” ~Matthew 5:39-42. The point Jesus was making is about the heart. He is dealing with retaliation and revenge. In that culture people wanted payback. If someone wronged you, you were expected to strike back. Jesus says the citizen of God’s kingdom does not live that way. You refuse revenge.

But refusing revenge does not mean allowing disorder in your home. Notice something important. Jesus said, “Give to him that asketh thee.” The passage assumes honesty and respect. It is not describing a situation where someone continually takes without asking and then shames you when you speak up. Scripture never calls that righteousness.

God is a God of order, even inside the home. “If any provide not for his own… he hath denied the faith” ~1 Timothy 5:8. That means the resources in a household matter. Stewardship matters. When God entrusts something to you, you are responsible for how it is used.

So the issue here is not just the item that disappears from the pantry or the cupboard. The real issue is honor. The command still stands: “Honour thy father and thy mother” ~Exodus 20:12. An adult child living in the home rent free and utility free should walk in gratitude and respect. Taking things without asking and assuming entitlement is not honor. And love does not ignore that. Scripture says, “Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth” ~1 Corinthians 13:6.

Now here is where the balance of the kingdom comes in. You do not retaliate. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves… Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” ~Romans 12:19.

But the same Bible that tells you not to take revenge also tells you to address wrong behavior. Jesus said, “If thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone” ~Matthew 18:15. That is not anger. That is restoration.

So you can speak the truth calmly. You can say that in this house we ask before we take. You can explain that resources matter, especially when living on a pension. You can do that without bitterness and without shame.

And let me say something that may lift some of the weight off your shoulders. Feeling troubled about this does not mean you are failing spiritually. The Spirit often uses that discomfort to tell us something needs to be addressed before bitterness takes root. Scripture warns us about that: “Looking diligently lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you” ~Hebrews 12:15.


So here is the kingdom perspective.

You guard your heart from revenge.
You forgive quickly.
But you still walk in truth.

Grace does not mean pretending something is right when it is not. Grace and truth walk together. Jesus Himself came “full of grace and truth” ~John 1:14.

Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is break a pattern of enabling and replace it with truth spoken calmly and clearly. And remember this. Even if she says Jesus was only a prophet, the truth about Him has not changed. Scripture says, “In him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily” ~Colossians 2:9. The greatest need in her life is still the same as everyone else’s. She must come to know Christ for who He truly is.

So you can pray, speak truth, set boundaries in love, and keep your heart free from resentment. That is not contradiction. That is walking in the balance of the kingdom.

Thank you so much David,
Your words come from wisdom and love, and I truly appreciate them.
The reason that I still felt bad about this relationship issue, is that I put it out here on the forum, and also mentioned it this morning to my busband. I even said, I do not feel good about talking about my daughter. This does go against Matthew 18:15 and is confirmation that I needed to hear (hence feeling uneasy speaking out).
So I take on All that you have said, and pray for the strength and wisdom to do things differently from now on; God knows ...
The biggest thing that I get from your feedback, is that I am right to stand in Truth, and to speak calmly and clearly, setting boundaries. I will continue to stand my ground, and to make my point as a Mum and as a Child of God, of Jesus Christ. I know that praying to God with an open heart, and willingness to learn from all situations, brings results.
Knowing that the behaviours mentioned, are not acceptable, frees me from the doubt that I have been carrying for many years. This is a huge relief.
Here's to creating healthy Godly boundaries, walking in Truth and following God's Word.
Thanks to God for speaking through you again David, thank you for explaining things so well xxx